“If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.”
When I wrote ‘Private Tremors of the Frozen Man’, I introduced a litany of symptoms prevalent to Parkinson’s disease that most people didn’t know or realized were just as prominent as a tremor in the hand. As time goes on, I discover new symptoms, some I experience and other I may or may not ever play host to. All in all, it’s an education for me and a vicarious one for you, the reader. As I’ve often said, when I was diagnosed back in October of 2012, I didn’t know anything about Parkinson’s except for the handshakes. Now I can see someone on the street and pretty much can tell if they have Parkinson’s or not.
A question I’ve been asked is why do I use the term the Frozen Man? One reason is all these symptoms in Parkinson’s cause a slowing down in the movements of the body, a subtle lowering in temperature you can say. Second, there is a symptom called Freezing in PD where I could be walking and my feet all of a sudden seem to freeze in place as though they were being held down, causing me to fall over.
But what I’m referring to, to a greater extent is a lack of any facial expressions which include body movements with regards to being happy or sad, showing excitement of any kind. Just a blank look. It’s hard to convey that on the outside but on the inside I run the whole gamut of emotions as anyone else, they just don’t appear or show signs of assimilation to my physical self.
So I look in the mirror at this blank face, trying to learn emotions, figuring out who’s in there that can’t seem to project outward in any form, not for lack of trying. In lieu of this silence, it is my words that scream out, joined together to create a narrative of me. Maybe this silence of physical expression is a good thing, a humbling act, a gift from Odin at the Halls of Valhalla in the frozen north.
So it is my words, rich or poor as they may seem, that is the only thing that breaks through the ice of the Frozen Man.
*Photo courtesy of Pixabay