“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart.” -Vincent van Gogh
Each night at sleeps silent gate, you lose who you are, what you are, where you are. All these things fall asunder as you lay your head down. But the silence only erupts into dreams and thoughts swirling uncontrollably as though in a hurricane of confusion. Continue reading The Task
The tides are in our veins, we still mirror the stars, life is your child, but there is in me… Older and harder than life and more impartial, the eye that watched before there was an ocean. -Robinson Jeffers
“Our task must be to free ourselves… by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty,” -Albert Einstein
I keep a card in my wallet from the National Parkinson’s Foundation that list my name and address, family members to call in case of an emergency, medications I take, drugs I should not take and so on… On the back, it states that I have Parkinson’s disease which could cause me to move slowly and have difficulty standing or speaking. Now here’s the clincher and most of you will think I’m making a joke. Underneath the above statement, printed in capital letter it states I AM NOT INTOXICATED. Now why would it say this? Continue reading Parkinson’s and the Mindfulness of Stress
“Our life today is not conclusion; a sequel stands beyond where we will walk hand in hand. It is as invisible as music but positive as sound.” – Emily Dickenson
The morning air nips at my hands on this autumn day as I stand behind the blowing rock. According to legend, if you drop anything from this cliff, it will return to you. Myth, wind currents or magic? Maybe all are correct; for the wind is magic and myth point to truths unseen. Continue reading Blowing Rock
In 2014, I signed up for health insurance through the Affordable Care Act. I was given a subsidy so my monthly premium was within my budget. During that same year, I started to take the drug Pramipexole, a dopamine agonist which fools the brain into thinking its dopamine. My brain does not make enough of this neurotransmitter resulting in my having Parkinson’s. I take 150 MG a day and at the time I paid about $120 for a 90-day supply through my health insurance. Continue reading Mr. Parkinson and the Politics of Pharmaceuticals
In the winter of 2010, on a bright sun-drenched morning, while driving in the country through the chilly air, I saw an owl flying at my sight level, aside of my vehicle. What was this nocturnal bird, clearly out of its element trying to tell me? My mind wandered back to Native American mythology; how all’s connected in the stream of life; how animals are spiritual beings that guide us along the path. I thought of so many things that this owl could symbolize. With so many revelations that had eluded me never to return, I had to have the answer? Continue reading Signe
Words used in different form and measure tell the story of our lives. Such stories conjunct other stories creating a collective story, word by word. When perfected, and connected, they sound of music playing in perfect harmony. They dance to the rhythm of meter and time on the road to meaning and understanding.
*adapted into Echoes In The Dark /
Having Parkinson’s disease comes with its share of pain, from my right hand that shakes too much to my feet being sore from walking with my toes curling under. But some things are just a pain in the mental ass.
Parkinson’s is caused by the loss of dopamine which controls movement. I take the drug Pramipexole, a dopamine agonist that does not make dopamine but fools the brain into thinking it is dopamine. I also take levodopa which makes dopamine. Since my diagnosis, I have gone to see a neurologist every three months or so. One of the questions I’m routinely asked is; do I gamble, drink or shop excessively? It seems that both of the drugs I take have side effects of which impulsive and compulsive behavior is an issue. Continue reading Part 10- P is for Parkinson’s or Pain in the ….