The untold want by life and land ne’er granted. Now voyager sail thou forth to seek and find.
-Walt Whitman- Untold Want
I am the captain of my storm… of my fear… of my anxiety… of my impatience… of my negativity… of my prejudice… of my animosity… of my ship of fools. I am the captain.
I am the captain of my blue sky… of my courage… of my peace… of my tolerance… of my optimism… of my love… of my compassion… of my ship of awareness. I am the captain.
And which ship do I board? Why I take the helm of both vessels, for they are one and the same as they are of me and together we sail through turbulent and calm waters off to the center of unexpected sky’s as a lover to his beloved.
“I will not cease from mental fight… Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand.”
Merriam’s dictionary defines ‘cognition’ as the mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses… the mental activities of thinking, understanding, learning, and remembering. The negative side of this definition is what I felt during that period before and into my first year of treatment for Parkinson’s. It is cognition or lack of it that played a heavy role in my actions and way of thinking at that time and still does today. Continue reading Part 4- Cognition…In the Time of Not Quite Knowing
“My life extends far beyond the limitations of me.” -Cloud Atlas
A bit of a tantrum and the voices of my better angels talking me down one day after my official diagnoses… Continue reading Part 3- A Question of Balance
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another,” -Anatole France
At first I made a doctor’s appointment because of my diagnosed pinched sciatica nerve in my lower back and wanted a second opinion but things had changed; I now suspected that I was experiencing certain symptoms not associated with nerve damage.
The office set my appointment for the morning of October 29, 2012; asked to arrive early to complete the new patient forms. As I arrived, I sat in my car in silence, the situation seemed too surreal and at the same time permanent. I knew I would see this place again. October is my favorite month and I couldn’t help but think of those lines by Thomas Wolfe: Continue reading Part 2- Diagnosis…Down the Rabbit Hole
“Our challenge is to ride the waves of chaos with trust, faith and love, allowing everything in its time to unfold and harmonize,” -Julie Parker
In the summer of 2011, I was living about a mile from Lake Lynn in Raleigh, North Carolina. The lake is vertical in design as it is about 5 to 7 times longer than its width when measured from its northern perimeter to its southern boundary. The rich diversity of trees and vegetation along with water in abundance gives shelter and food to a number of birds such as heron, hawks, ducks, geese, and swans. I’ve seen deer that will eat out of your hand after a game of trust settled any inhibitions. The lake is an idyllic place to sit or walk at the closing of the day. Continue reading Part 1- In the Beginning…By the Deep Forbidden Lake